


Transitions

by FeralSunflowerGang



Category: Trailer Park Boys
Genre: Idiots in Love, M/M, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-31
Updated: 2020-10-31
Packaged: 2021-03-08 22:13:40
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 17,212
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27313870
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FeralSunflowerGang/pseuds/FeralSunflowerGang
Summary: It starts with the coming of a cold Canadian winter. Ricky can't live in his car anymore and is Julian acting weird? Ricky is going to get to the bottom of it.
Relationships: Julian/Ricky (Trailer Park Boys)
Comments: 20
Kudos: 55





	Transitions

**Author's Note:**

> Well, it feels like I've arrived to the party late, but better late than never I guess. I just started watching the show for the first time. I guess this fic is set in the earlier seasons somewhere. It's been said before, but I'll say it again, it's a small fandom, so I felt obligated to add something. If there's anyone still out there, enjoy!

Ricky shivered, pulling the blanket tighter around him. He was curled up in the corner of the backseat of his car, his back pressed against the seat and his side wedged against the side of the car. It wasn’t even winter yet, just late October, but the weather had turned cold. It must be below zero. Fucking felt like it at least.

He was wearing two shirts, a jacket, track pants and sweatpants in an attempt to keep warm - that was nearly all his clothes! He had a thin blanket as well and he had stolen a tarp to put over the section of missing door of the car. It was currently flapping gently in the slight breeze. It hadn’t helped as much as Ricky would have liked. Even the warmth of alcohol was too fleeting. What was he going to do when winter actually hit?

His breath plumed in front of him and he tried to curl up tighter. His legs and arms felt numb and his nose was a point of ice, despite burying his head in his arms. Sharp pain radiated up his arms, starting from his fingers. Who knew being cold could hurt so much?

Was it possible to freeze out here?

He couldn’t do it. The pain was nearly unbearable in his fingers and toes. He sat up and rolled towards the door, fighting his way through the tarp. He wrapped the blanket around his shoulders like a cape and started stumbling towards Julian’s trailer. His legs didn’t want to cooperate, and his fingers could barely hold the bunches of blanket.

He hobbled up the steps and banged on the door, nearly crying out as his knuckles throbbed.

“Julian!” He cried, praying to god that he let him crash on the couch.

Moments passed and Ricky was about to knock again when the door flung open. Julian stood in the doorway, backlit from the single light he had turned on. He blinked blearily at Ricky, clearly just woken up. His dark hair was messy, and he had a robe loosely thrown on.

“Jesus, Ricky! It’s two in the morning! What do you want?”

“C-c-can I-I c-crash on y-your c-c-couch?” Ricky stuttered out, his teeth chattering and his shivering uncontrollable.

Julian blinked and looked at Ricky, really looked at him.

“Jesus, Ricky! Your lips are blue! Get in here.”

He stepped aside to let Ricky through the door, goosebumps on his arm from the cold night air.

Ricky gratefully stumbled into the warm trailer.

“Christ, you could have come in sooner,” Julian said, shutting the door. “You could’ve gotten really sick, you know? It’s dangerous being out when it’s so cold.”

Ricky kicked off his shoes and curled into the corner of the couch. Julian grabbed a second blanket and tossed it at him.

“Geez, Rick, just crash on my couch from now on. It’s too cold to be sleeping in your car anymore,” he said shaking his head.

Ricky nodded earnestly, his words of gratitude getting caught in his throat.

“You good?” Julian asked, pausing on the far side of the kitchen, on his way to his bedroom.

“Good,” Ricky said, spreading the second blanket over himself.

Julian clicked the light off and Ricky could hear his retreating footsteps.

He settled on the couch, relishing in the relative comfort compared to the backseat of his car. It wasn’t long enough for him to stretch out fully, but if he curled up on his side, it was pretty comfortable. He’d definitely slept in worse places.

It seemed like ages had passed and Ricky still didn’t feel warm. It felt like the cold had settled into his bones. He pressed a hand against his thigh under his track pants. His eyes widened. His leg felt cold to the touch. That wasn’t good right? He still had all his clothes and now two blankets!

“Julian?” He called, his voice wavering.

Moments passed without a response.

“Julian?” He tried again, slightly louder.

“What.”

Julian’s voice was flat, slightly rough.

“I’m still cold,” Ricky called back.

“Well get another blanket then!”

“No, like my skin feels cold still. That’s not good is it?”

“Go take a hot shower, then!” Julian yelled, a softer tone creeping into his voice. “Just, don’t take too long! I’m not made of money!”

Ricky left his blankets on the couch and fumbled his way to the bathroom. He grabbed a clean towel from the closet on his way and shut the door behind him.

He could barely wait to get under the water, hopping into the shower too early and jerking back from the cold water with a yelp. It warmed up quickly though, and this was exactly what he needed. He stood under the spray and slowly felt the chill leaving his body. His skin felt tingly.

A banging on the wall startled him out of his zoning out.

“Hurry up! You’re using too much water!”

Julian’s voice came muffled through the wall. Sighing, Ricky turned off the water and hopped out. He had forgot to turn on the fan, so the bathroom was steamy, the mirror completely fogged over. He towelled off quickly, his skin pink from the hot water. He re-dressed in only one set of clothes before heading back to the couch. He tossed his extra clothes at the foot of the couch and curled up in the blankets, his heart and body feeling warm.

***

Slowly, Ricky’s meager number of belongings migrated from his car to the spot by the couch against the wall. It wasn’t like he had much. A small pile of clothes, a bong, two guns, a pack of cigarettes and a lighter he always carried with him.

It had been a while since Ricky had such convenient access to a shower and hot water. He probably took more showers than necessary. Julian kept bugging him to buy his own shampoo and body wash, but Ricky kept saying he would and never actually doing it. It wasn’t his fault that Julian had such nice ones.

Sometimes after showering, he would climb into his nest on the couch, and curl up, breathing in the familiar scent of shampoo. It made his stomach feel warm, like he had just taken a shot of whiskey and his heart beat all funny. He didn’t really understand why, but it was comforting and he always fell asleep quickly.

***

If there was ever someone he owed a debt to, it was Julian. The gulf of his debt was unpayable. After crashing on his couch and using his trailer as his home for the past few weeks, a kernel of guilt started to build up. He wouldn’t care with anyone else, but this was Julian. It was different.

He started cooking occasionally. Ricky was good at one thing: growing dope and cooking. Oh, and sex. Yeah, he was good in the bedroom, so that was like, four or five things he was good at then. 

His specialty was breakfast. He usually made pancakes; and not the stuff out of the box either, pancakes from scratch.

That burning not-liquor, liquor warmth filled his stomach the first time he saw Julian eat his pancakes. He knew, by the slight hesitation after the first bite, Julian was surprised. Julian liked it. Julian ate five pancakes.

“These are good, Ricky.”

The warmth in his chest burned hotter.

Turned out, it was an addicting feeling. He wanted that feeling back, kept wanting it. So, he started cooking more often. He wasn’t a fancy motherfucker, but surely, they could do better than pepperoni and chicken chips for dinner?

***

“Let’s go home, Ricky,” Julian said, rubbing a hand over his face.

Ricky’s mouth suddenly felt very dry. He couldn’t have said a word if his life depended on it. The heat in his chest put all the liquor he had drank tonight to shame.

Home. Julian’s home? His home? Their home? The idea of having a home, a proper home, not just a car to crash in or a friend’s trailer, but a home, swept through Ricky’s mind like a hurricane. Never mind that he only crashed on the couch in the trailer, Julian had included him on that: ‘Let’s.’

Finally, he croaked out an “alright.” He slammed the beer he was drinking as Julian stood up. They said their brief goodbyes to J-Roc and the Roc Pile, but the boys were too entranced by the strippers. Bubbles had left earlier to tend to his kitties.

They piled into Julian’s car and headed back to the trailer park. A night out at the strippers was a good birthday surprise for J-Roc anyways.

Ricky rolled his shoulders. Normally he loved going to see strippers. They didn’t do it often, so it was something of a treat, but tonight, something had felt off. It hadn’t scratched the itch that it normally did. He wanted something else; it frustrated Ricky to no end.

What did he want?

***

The snow started falling halfway through November. Ricky went out and adjusted the tarp on his car making sure no snow could get in.

Julian didn’t have a snow shovel, so Ricky ended up using a folded-up lawn chair to clear off the stairs and small bit of driveway behind and around Julian’s car.

He figured he could help out around the trailer. Since Julian was so nice as to take him in and all.

***

Ricky stumbled over to the couch and was about to flop on it when he spotted a hand. A hand? Hair?

Someone was sleeping on his couch! To be fair, there were people passed out all over the living room, but this was his couch!

He grumbled, about to yell at them to get off when he realized it was Sarah. He would recognize that red hair anywhere. Goddamnit! He couldn’t exactly kick her off the couch. He’d known her forever, nearly as long as Julian.

“Fucking great,” he mumbled, “just great.”

He wasn’t about to sleep on the floor in his own trailer. Well, okay, in Julian’s trailer. But! He had been living here for about a month now, so it was kind of partially his too.

Well, if someone stole his bed... then it was only fair for him to steal a bed too, right? The idea seemed brilliant.

He staggered into Julian’s room, smirking because it was empty. Perfect. He toed off his shoes and flopped face first into the bed. His head reeled. Maybe not a good idea. But then, a familiar scent washed over him: Julian’s shampoo mixed with his cologne and the faint smell of cigarettes.

Ricky hummed. His heart started hammering in his chest and he felt like his stomach was filling with lava. He buried his face in Julian’s pillow and inhaled.

Was this weird? This was probably fucking weird. He couldn’t find it in himself to care.

After a moment, he felt like he was going to suffocate, so he rolled onto his side and dragged the covers over himself. God, Julian’s bed was so comfy. He felt himself drifting off quickly, the familiar smell comforting and remind him of home...

A few minutes later, the door creaked open and the light clicked on.

“What the fuck? No way! Ricky get outta my bed!”

Ricky kept his eyes closed and pretended to sleep.

“Ricky!”

Hands started tugging on the blanket, but Ricky quickly grabbed a fistful and hung on.

“Damnit Ricky! I know you’re not asleep. Now get outta my bed!”

“M’asleep,” Ricky mumbled.

“You’re not asleep, you’re talking!”

Hot hands shoved at Ricky, pushing him to one side of the bed. Ricky struggled against Julian; he didn’t want to get pushed out of the bed.

“Ricky! This is my trailer and I’m not sleeping anywhere but my bed!”

“It’s kind of mine too, don’t’cha think?”

“What? No it’s not! You don’t pay for anything! Go sleep on the couch!”

“Sarah’s on the couch!”

“God, well sleep on the floor like everyone else!”

“I don’t want to!”

Julian growled in frustration and shoved Ricky again. He grabbed his drink from the nightstand, slammed it and then said “Fine, well I’m not sleeping on the fucking floor.”

Julian flipped the lights off with more force than necessary and then the bed dipped under his weight.

“Wha-?” Ricky started.

“Shut up,” Julian growled settling into his side of the bed.

Ricky blinked in the darkness, surprised. It was a queen-sized bed, but they hadn’t shared a bed since they were kids. His heartbeat quickened and the molten lava feeling in his stomach returned. He was glad the lights were off; his face was so hot he was sure he was blushing.

Ricky settled more comfortably, releasing his death grip on the blankets, letting Julian take some. The bed shifted as they both stretched out. Ricky tried to quell the squirming in his stomach, still unbelieving that he was sharing a bed with Julian. Julian’s breath evened out before Ricky’s. Ricky drifted off not much longer after Julian, warm and lulled by the soothing sound of his even breathing.

***

A few weeks before Christmas, Ricky stomped into the forest near the trailer park, wading through three feet of snow until he came across what he thought was a pretty damned good Christmas tree. It took him forever to cut it down since he only had a hatchet, but hey, the physical work warmed him up anyways.

What he hadn’t thought about was carrying it back to the trailer.

He had to take multiple breaks and by the time he was climbing the steps to Julian’s trailer, he was red in the face and huffing and puffing.

And then he was wrestling the tree through the door and Julian was trying to stop him and he was trying to explain.

“Ricky. Ricky. Ricky! Wait, Ricky! What are you doing?”

“Julian, this is our Christmas tree! Now if you’ll stop blocking the goddamned doorway, I can bring it in, and we can stop letting all the goddamned heat out!”

“At least shake the snow off outside!”

Ricky moved onto the porch and shook the tree off to the best of his abilities. And then he pushed past a sighing Julian. Ricky leaned the tree in the corner since they didn’t have a tree stand.

Then he took a step back and joined Julian, looking at it. He took Julian’s drink from his hand and took a sip before handing it back.

“Whaddaya think?”

“It’s just a tree Rick, we don’t have anything to put on it.”

“Well let’s go out now and get something to put on it!”

Julian looked skeptical.

“Come on Julian! It’ll make it look nice and festive in here! I know a place; trust me!”

“Okay, but I don’t want to spend more than ten dollars!”

They drove Julian’s car – slipping and sliding all over the snowy roads – to a nice part of town.

“Stop, stop! Look, there!” Ricky hissed, pointing at the house in front of them. In the front yard there were two lovely trees decorated with outdoor bobbles and strung with Christmas lights.

Ricky dashed out and started plucking the ornaments off as fast as he could. Once he had gathered an armload he hurried back to the car, feet sinking into the slush at the edge of the pavement.

“Rick,” Julian said, shaking his head while a smile slowly crept on his face, “those’ll be too large for our tree! Those are for outdoor, live trees!”

“Well, it’s better than nothing! Maybe we can stop at a Walmart or something and get a few garlands for five bucks.”

And so they did.

Julian helped him decorate the tree, snorting when he hung the large bobbles on the tree. Stepping back, it didn’t look half bad. Ricky smiled, snakes or whatever squirming in his stomach.

Christmas was around the corner and Ricky wanted to get Julian something. They normally didn’t do much for the holiday, maybe just host a party on the day of, but Ricky wanted this year to be different. He had a lighter feeling inside his bones.

What to get him though?

It took days of thinking, of discretely asking Bubbles and Sarah. He had turned down all their suggestions. They were good: rum, a new handgun, something related to cars, a new chain; but it wasn’t quite what Ricky had in mind, not to mention that he couldn’t afford many things.

It clicked when he couldn’t sleep one night.

He was ambling around Julian’s living room, looking at everything, opening the cupboards and drawers just because he could. He was looking in the cupboards of the tv stand and was surprised to find them full of books. They seemed random and stacked in no particular order. Huh. He hadn’t thought Julian liked books that much.

Ricky sat on the floor and read the titles, occasionally pulling a book out and flipping through the pages. There were self help books, novels, a handful of comic books – which Ricky spent the longest on – and a few cookbooks. But the one that stood out to Ricky was The Outsiders. On the cover was a boy who reminded him of Julian. He looked on the other side of the book, reading the plot summary on the back. Greasers...

Huh. Julian kind of dressed like that: tight shirt, jeans, hair slicked back - but in Julian’s case, not so, so slicked back.

And then Ricky had an idea. The greaser on the cover was wearing a leather jacket. That’s it! He could get Julian a proper black leather jacket. It would complete his look! Make him look real badass and tough.

He started doing little things to get money: stealing stereos late at night - there were too many people about during the day, what with Christmas shopping and whatnot; returning bottles from Ray; he even shovelled a few driveways! Mind you, they had to supply the shovel and he got baked out of his mind beforehand, but still. Practically torture. He did it all low key, trying to keep it from Julian’s knowledge.

Christmas rolled around and they had a good party started at Julian’s. Bubbles had been hanging out pretty much all day, bringing a few cats, and Trevor and Corey showed up later in the afternoon with Sarah. J-Roc and the Roc Pile showed up in the evening along with Lucy, once Trinity was in bed. The liquor was flowing and J-Roc had put some decent music on the stereo. Julian had even bought eggnog! Ricky couldn’t remember the last time he’d had it. They’d gotten many compliments on their tree which left Ricky smirking and Julian rolling his eyes.

The evening wore on, and Ricky was swaying when he stood. At some point, Lucy had slipped out. A few of the Roc Pile had left too, but the party was going strong.

Feeling eternally warm, Ricky happened upon Julian in the kitchen, alone.

“Oh, wait here!” He said, thinking that now was the perfect time to give Julian his gift. He stumbled into the living room, rifling through his small pile of belongings by the couch and grabbing the plastic bag that he had hidden. He staggered back to the kitchen, draining his drink before he faced Julian.

“Merry Christmas Julian,” he said, shoving the plastic bag into Julian’s hands. He started making a drink, something to keep his eyes and hands busy, his face feeling suspiciously warm. Ricky kept flicking his eyes up to watch Julian open the bag and then down back to his drink and then back up again as the bag fell to the floor. He hadn’t even stolen it; he paid for it! And not second hand or anything, it was brand new. It meant something, Ricky knew, but he didn’t examine that train of thought.

“What’s this?” Julian asked surprised.

“Oh, you know, you’ve been letting me stay here for a few months and I felt like I should do something for you for all the times you’ve done things for me, and I figured I could get you something to complete your look. You know?” Ricky knew he was rambling, but he couldn’t seem to stop. “Figured it would suit your look, you know? Kinda like a greaser.”

Julian looked up sharply, his eyebrows raising. “A greaser? How’d you hear about them?” Julian slipped the jacket on, testing the size. Ricky had left the gift receipt in the bag since he’d agonized for forever in the store over what size Julian would need.

“Oh, ha, you know, who doesn’t know about greasers?” Ricky said, rubbing the back of his head with his hand. He quickly downed a gulp of his drink. He didn’t really want to admit that he had been snooping through Julian’s stuff.

Ricky had managed to select the right size. Julian looked wicked in the jacket. It was the perfect amount of tight on his arms and loose around his waist. Julian flexed his arms, moving them around to see how the jacket fit. Julian looked badass. He looked intimidating. Ricky could see why Lahey called him Sexian. The he walked into the bathroom to look in the mirror.

He came out smiling. “Thanks, man! It looks fucking sweet!”

Ricky felt like his heart briefly stopped. Julian didn’t smile very often, but when he did, it showed off his dimples. God, what he would do to always see Julian smiling, to always be the cause of that smile.

Julian pulled Ricky into a brief hug, surprising Ricky. Belatedly, Ricky wrapped his arms around his best friend, patting his back. Julian pulled away too soon.

“Let me make you a drink!” He said cheerfully, “you can have the last of the eggnog!”

***

Bubbles had wanted to watch a movie.

So, they piled into Julian’s living room to watch some action film that Bubbles was pumped on.

Ricky cleared his blankets off the couch and rearranged the pillows so it was more of a couch and less of a nest. Bubbles claimed the armchair and Julian and Ricky sat on the couch.

They all had drinks and Ricky passed around a joint as the movie was starting. He wasn’t particularly invested in the movie, but it was nice to hang out with just the three of them.

It was fairly quiet, sometimes Bubbles muttering under his breath about a scene or jumping up to shout ‘yes!’ or Ricky making snarky comments about the movie, but quieter than their usual talk-over-each-other get fired up hang outs. It was relaxing.

Ricky couldn’t tell if it was the movie or the strange feeling of comfort and familiarity – honestly, the closest thing he could think of to family – but his eyelids started drooping and his blinks got longer. He slouched down on the couch a little, so he could tilt his head back. And then, the movie droned on quietly and his breathing even out.

When he woke up, Ricky was leaning against Julian. He kept his eyes closed, comfortable, and relishing in the rare closeness. His head was resting on his broad shoulder and his own shoulder was mashed against his side. Julian felt very nice against Ricky: warm, solid, secure. He could feel the gentle rising and falling motions as Julian breathed.

Ricky’s nose was filled with the smell of Julian’s cologne mixed with wafts of rum from his drink. Heat crept up his stomach and chest. He wasn’t sure how long he had been asleep for or what had woken him up, but he could hear lots of gunfire from the movie.

“Is he asleep?” Bubbles stage whispered.

There was a pause. Ricky kept his eyes closed and tried to keep his breathing the same. If they could’ve felt his heartbeat, he was sure the hammering would give him away.

“I think so,” Julian said quietly.

Then, Julian’s hands were carefully untangling Ricky’s fingers from his drink and moving it to a side table. He must not have spilled it then.

A few moments later there was the distinct ‘flick-flick’ of a lighter and then the smell of weed filled Ricky’s nose. Julian had lit a joint. He pulled deeply on it for a few hits before he leaned to pass it to bubbles. Ricky stayed limp and slipped further against Julian when he moved.

Julian adjusted, moving his arm to the back of the couch, cradling Ricky’s head against his arm and his pec.

Ricky wondered how long he could pretend to sleep for.

The whole rest of the movie apparently.

The credit music was rolling by the time Julian was gently shaking Ricky’s shoulder.

“Ricky, Ricky, hey, wake up.”

Ricky pretended to wake up, blinking a bunch of times.

“Wha-?”

“You fell asleep, man,” Julian said.

Ricky sat up, enjoying how close he was sitting to Julian. There were only a few inches between their knees. He really liked that Julian still had his arm on the back of the couch. Technically, it was around Ricky. But not really. But kinda. Ricky fought down a smile.

“Was the movie good?”

“Oh it was so good! There was this one part, where this motherfucker...!” Bubbles launched into a detailed explanation of a badass scene.

Ricky smiled and searched for his drink. Julian seemed to know what he was looking for, because he handed him his bottle. Ricky finished the rest of his beer in one chug; it was lukewarm by now anyways.

“Joint?” Julian offered him the last third of one quietly, not interrupting Bubbles’ rant. It must have been the joint that they’d lit while Ricky had been ‘asleep.’

Instead of accepting it with his hands, Ricky leaned forward and accepted it gently with his lips, almost brushing Julian’s fingers. He was feeling reckless: he wanted to start some shit, but some very specific shit that he couldn’t figure out quite what. But this leaning forward and accepting the joint like this was somehow close to what he wanted. Somehow.

Had he imagined that small gasp from Julian?

His eyes flicked up to meet Julian’s. Their gaze felt intense. Heated in a way that was not their usual angry-heated or annoyed-heated. God, his insides felt like he had just chugged a two six of whiskey. Julian flicked the lighter open and lit the joint. Ricky maintained eye contact until Julian broke first, looking away and taking a large swig of his drink.

Ricky pulled hard on the joint, thinking. This, this heat and this feeling, it meant something. His eyes flicked back to Julian who was talking to Bubbles, his drink now empty and his right foot balanced on his knee now. This feeling had to do with Julian, Ricky denounced. He only ever got this non-liquor liquor heat around the darker haired man. Even thinking about doing the same thing with Bubbles felt awkward.

Bubbles interrupted Ricky’s musing to say good night and return to his shed.

“Want another drink?” Julian asked.

“Yeah, that would be nice.”

Ricky was slightly sad when Julian got up, worried that he would choose to sit in the recently freed armchair rather than the couch beside Ricky. He was relieved when Julian sat back on the couch beside him, two rum and cokes in hand. He even slung his arm on the back of the couch again.

Ricky wasn’t quite sure what this new feeling was – and he would eventually puzzle it out, he was sure – but he did know, that he could do this forever, with Julian, if only that feeling stayed.

***

“How’d you know ‘bout greasers?” Julian asked.

They were both too drunk, Ricky laying on the floor of Julian’s living room, watching the ceiling spin slowly and feeling nauseous, while Julian lounged on the couch.

“Saw your books in the thing,” Ricky said, waving his hand in the air. “Flipped through a bit of that one, you know, s’got the guy on the cover. With the leather jacket.”

“You’d like that book you know. It’s a great story. It’s about a bunch of boys with not much for family - kind of like us.”

Ricky turned his head to look at Julian. It wasn’t often he talked about books. The only ones he ever really mentioned were the self-help ones, never the story ones.

“One of the boys accidentally kills a kid and his best friend ends up running away with him from the cops. It’s such a bittersweet story, Ricky.”

Being in and out of jail, Ricky had learned that possessions are very fleeting. Most of the time, once you get out of jail, the things you once had are no longer where you once left them. You’re back to square one for collecting stuff. This book must mean something to Julian if he had bothered to buy it again.

“I think that’s why I keep reading it,” Julian continued softly. “I feel like it parallels our lives, you know? Like, maybe not the killing someone part, but the constant getting into trouble with the cops, the whole, your friends are your family since you don’t really got a family, you know? Makes me wonder about the whole bittersweet part? Is that what we’re destined for? Like, why can’t anything ever go right? Where is our happiness?”

He looked at Ricky, his eyes deep and searching, but Ricky had no answers, just soft blue eyes staring back at his own.

“That sounds like a nice story,” Ricky finally says after an eternity of silence. “Maybe you could read it to me some time.”

“Yeah, maybe I could,” Julian said softly, a smile slowly growing on his face. He tried to hide it in his drink.

Ricky couldn’t help but think that this soft side of Julian was reserved for the late nights, too exposed and scraped bare by alcohol. Would be nice to see in the sober daylight.

***

The navy car pulled into the nearly empty parking lot of the abandoned mall. The knot of nerves in Ricky’s stomach tightened. He had a bad feeling about this deal. The car was just barely on this side of being too new.

Four men stepped out, wearing casual clothes and hoodies. They strode towards where Bubbles, Julian and Ricky were waiting. They were leaning against the hood of Julian’s car, Ricky idly swinging the plastic grocery bag that contained thousands of dollars of hash.

When they stopped a few feet from them, Ricky’s instincts were screaming at him. Something wasn’t right...

As if on cue, before they could even react, the men all pulled handguns from their hoodies.

Reaction was instantaneous. The loud crack of gunfire deafened Ricky as he dove to the ground. He didn’t even have time to pull his own gun or anything.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck!” Ricky muttered to himself. He scrambled to his feet, gathering the bricks of hash that had spilled from his bag. Just as he had scooped the last one, his leg erupted in pain.

“Fuck!” He screamed. He launched himself behind a squatter’s car for protection, as bullets peppered the car and shattered glass rained on him.

He could hardly pay any attention to it. He was gasping for breath, his leg felt like it was on fire. His left hand clapped to his leg, high up on his thigh, and felt the warm oozing of blood. He was fucking shot.

Vaguely he could hear running footsteps and squealing tires. He had to move. He didn’t know if that was Julian running at him or the attempted drug thieves.

He forced himself into a crouch, gasping with the pain and ran to the far edge of the car and peeked around. The navy car hadn’t moved, and Ricky could only see one of the men. He was steadily advancing, his gun raised, his eyes trained past where Ricky was crouching.

The squealing of tires returned and then Ricky could hear Julian yelling, “Ricky!”

He turned to see Julian slamming on the breaks, his car a mere few meters away. The gunfire was deafening again, but this time Julian was shooting back, left arm out the window of his car, swearing almost as loudly. Ricky dashed for the car, hearing the returning gunfire much closer than he would have liked.

Pain bloomed in his arm as he wrenched the backseat door open.

“Goddamned motherfucking fuck!” Ricky howled, tumbling into the back seat. Julian gunned it, wrenching the car around, tossing Ricky around in the backseat.

He gasped, his leg and arm throbbing. He struggled to sit up and close the door. They screeched out of the parking lot, Julian taking the corner way too fast and sending Ricky sprawling again.

“Motherfucker,” Ricky moaned, opting to lay down in the backseat.

“Ricky’s bleeding!” Bubbles shouted, his voice rising a couple of octaves.

“Shit! Ricky? You okay?”

“No!” Ricky growled, “Got shot twice I think.”

“Shit, shit, shit!” Julian yelled, slamming his hands on the steering wheel each time.

“God, can we fucking go somewhere?” Ricky asked. The pain was steadily increasing as his adrenalin wore off. He gently probed his right bicep and tried to see where he got shot. Fingers slippery with blood, he finally found the wound, jerking back once he did, his teeth clicking shut with the force of keeping his scream in. A bullet had grazed his arm, slicing the skin.

“Okay, okay, okay,” Julian said, his voice frantic. “Let me think. We can’t go to the hospital; they always involve the police with gunshots. I don’t think Sam’s vet practice isn’t open yet. Fuck!”

Ricky felt slightly dizzy. He wasn’t sure if it was Julian’s driving or the blood loss.

“Julian. Julian. Julian,” Ricky said, trying to break through Julian’s panic. He could hear sirens in the distance - probably cops. A thought occurred to him. “You gotta calm your driving. You’re looking mighty suspicious.”

Julian didn’t seem to hear him.

“Goddamnit Julian! Slow the fuck down! You’re drawing attention!”

Julian shut up and slowed down the car, taking a few deep breaths to steady himself.

“Fuck! How did this go so wrong?” Julian said, hitting the steering wheel out of frustration. He reached for the center console, his fingers searching and not finding his signature drink.

“Goddamnit!” He said, grabbing the wheel with both hands. He turned around, to see what kind of state Ricky was in.

“Fucking hell, Ricky! Jesus, we’ve got to get you somewhere! Oh fuck, oh fuck.”

Ricky tore the sleeves off his shirt, tying it around the wound on his arm, trying to stop the bleeding. He lay back, pressing his hands against his thigh, biting his lip out of pain.

“God Julian, Ricky’s looking really pale! We’ve got to do something, quick!”

Bubbles leaned over the seat, his eyes seeming even larger, if possible.

“I know, I know!” Julian yelled, his voice high. “Shit! But where do we go? Sam’s out, and I don’t think we know anyone else...”

Fuck, Julian was normally the plan guy. The calm guy. The guy who takes control of the situation. God, why was Julian falling apart now?

Then hands were pressing cloth against his leg. Ricky opened his eyes and Bubbles was leaning over the seat, pressing his jacket against his leg. Ricky shifted it so it’s over his wound. His pants are soaked and he’s sure that the jacket won’t last much longer than the pants did.

“Goddamnit Julian! You’ll have to do it!”

“Me?” Squeaked Julian.

“For fucks sake! Yes! We don’t have nobody else!”

“I- I can’t!” Julian’s voice wavered.

“You got to.” Ricky said, “you can’t drive around all fucking day!”

“Fuck!”

Julian slammed his hands against the wheel.

Ricky could sense a sort of urgency in his driving, but at least he wasn’t driving like a maniac anymore.

Bubbles’ jacket was soaked through and Ricky was starting to feel clammy. He could tell he was sweating, but he was also starting to feel cold despite the ragged heat in his thigh.

Ricky could’ve kissed whatever gods were responsible for Lahey not working the gate that day. He didn’t trust Julian not to shoot him if he had been.

The car came to a halt and the engine was shut off immediately. Two sets of car doors opened and slammed. The backdoor opened and large hands grabbed Ricky’s shoulders.

“Jesus fucking Christ, Rick,” Julian muttered.

Julian muscled Ricky out of the backseat and helped him to his feet. The world spun and Ricky clenched his eyes shut. Goddamn. Julian’s hands caught him, one on his chest and one closing on his right bicep, where the second bullet had cut him.

“Fucking godDAMN Julian!” Ricky yelled.

“Fucking shit sorry,” Julian said, shifting his hand to Ricky’s elbow.

Bubbles swooped in to grab Ricky’s other side and the two of them helped Ricky up the stairs and into Julian’s trailer. Julian swept the contents of the table to the floor and they helped Ricky onto the table. The two of them peeled Ricky’s pants off, Ricky clenching his hands and biting his tongue to stop himself from screaming as it tugged his skin.

“Goddamnit. Fucking goddamn it,” Julian said, his eyes wide. He looked like a deer in the headlights as he saw Ricky’s bullet wound for the first time.

He froze.

“Julian,” Ricky groaned when he didn’t move. “Do something!”

“Fuck, fuck, fuck! I can’t! I’ve never done something like this!” Julian turned wide eyes at Ricky. “What if I hurt you?”

“It already fucking hurts!” Ricky snarled. “You’ve watched Sam do this like, a hundred fucking times! Besides, Bubbles can’t do it, he can’t see shit!”

“He’s right, you know,” Bubbles squeaked anxiously.

“Fuck! Okay, okay, okay.” Julian said, running his hand over his face and leaving a smear of blood. He hurried to the kitchen, pouring himself a drink with hands shaking so badly that he almost spilled – mostly rum with a dash of coke for colour – and drained the glass. He brought the bottle of rum to Ricky.

“Drink it,” he said turning away.

Ricky gladly accepted the bottle, propping himself up on his elbow so he could drink directly from the bottle. The alcohol burned but it was a nice distraction from his leg.

Julian returned, tossing a towel at Bubbles.

“Drink more. More, more, more,” Julian urged. Ricky tipped the bottle back and drank until he couldn’t, closing his eyes at the burn. Warmth spread through him and the alcohol hit him like a train.

Julian pulled up a chair and gently prodded at Ricky’s leg. He hissed.

“You think the bullets still in there?” Julian asked.

“Yes, it’s still goddamned in there!” Ricky yelled. He drank more rum.

“Bubbles, you’re in charge of dabbing the blood. I’ve got to be able to see,” Julian instructed.

Bubbles nodded anxiously, twisting the towel in his hands before he dabbed at Ricky’s thigh. The blood was spilling down his leg, pooling on the table. Julian slowly approached Ricky’s wound with a pair of tweezers, his hands shaking. As soon as the tweezers touched inside Ricky’s wound, he was screaming.

“Goddamned motherfucking cocksucker!”

Julian jerked back, his face pale.

“I need a towel or something to bite on,” Ricky panted out. “Otherwise the whole park will hear me.”

“Bubbles, second drawer from the sink.”

Bubbles hurried to grab a kitchen towel as Julian grabbed the rum bottle from Ricky. He took a big swig before pressing it back into Ricky’s hand. Ricky drank too. When Bubbles passed him the towel, he crumpled it and jammed it in his mouth.

Julian rolled his shoulders back and tried again. This time, his hands were no longer shaking. He pressed the tweezers into the gunshot wound, looking for the bullet. Ricky clamped his jaw on the towel and screamed. He clenched his hands into fists, his short nails digging into his palms. Julian didn’t stop.

Ricky was pressing his eyes closed so hard he was seeing spots. Or maybe that was because he was almost blacking out. He wasn’t sure. He dropped his head back onto the table with a thunk, the world spinning and his head fuzzy. His chest was heaving, and he tried to stop the litany of sounds that were spilling from his mouth. Ricky set the rum on the table. God, maybe he was blacking out. His control on his limbs seemed lacking now.

Time seemed to pass strangely. Ricky couldn’t tell if lots had passed or merely minutes. A small ‘plink’ cut through the waves of fire lapping at his leg. Julian took a deep breath. The bullet? Out?

Ricky opened his blurry eyes, watching Julian trying to thread a needle with his blood slick hands. He would have laughed if he wasn’t in so much pain.

And then the sharp prick of the needle once Julian finally had it threaded. Ricky groaned. The feeling of the thread pulling through the edge of his skin made him feel nauseous. And then another prick. The feeling of his skin being dragged together. He panted against his makeshift gag, welcoming the receding of the world as spots took over his vision.

Finally...

***

Ricky blinked open heavy eyes. He didn’t move, instead, he took stock of his body. His leg felt like it was on fire. It had its own distinct heartbeat. He groaned slightly; he felt like he had been hit by a truck and a headache was brewing.

He was on Julian’s couch and day light was pouring in through the blinds. Was it the next day?

Ricky was surprised to see Julian sleeping in the armchair across from the couch. He normally would have never chosen a chair over his bed to sleep in. He looked peaceful in his sleep, his perpetual squint gone and the creases between his eyebrows smoothed out. Ricky could pick out small details that pointed to the stressful situation of the day before: the bags under his eyes, just now losing their dark colour; his hair was messy, like he had been running his hands through it too many times; his lips were bitten red, like he had been chewing his bottom lip in the heat of the moment.

Curious to see what his gunshot looked like now, he lifted his hips up and carefully shimmied his track pants down. Bubbles or Julian must have grabbed some of his clothes from the couch. Well, anyways, those pants were ruined now. Regardless, he couldn’t see the wound because a large square of gaze was taped to his leg.

“Don’t even think about it,” Julian said roughly. Ricky jerked into the couch, startled.

“I just want to see what it looks like,” Ricky said, not even that surprised that Julian had known what he had been thinking. “I’ll be real careful, and I’ll put the bandaid back right after n’ everything.”

Julian sighed and ran his hand through his hair. He got up and started making a drink in the kitchen.

Ricky carefully peeled the gauze back baring the scabbed over wound. The bandage was slightly stuck to the wound with dried blood and Ricky clenched his teeth as it pulled. The stitching was clumsy, the thread stained red. The stitched line protruded from his leg a little bit, what with swelling and an amateur stitching job. It wasn’t half bad though, it did its job. Ricky covered it back up and pulled his pants up, standing up. He almost fell back down with a yelp.

“Jesus Ricky! Rest it!” Julian yelled at him from the kitchen.

“What, I’m supposed to just sit here all day?” Ricky yelled back, annoyed. “Sounds boring!”

“Jesus, Rick. Calm down.” He emerged from the kitchen with a glass of water and a bottle of pills in the other. He threw the bottle at him and set the water on the side table. “These are for the pain. Why don’t you watch tv or something? Get baked or whatever. What else is there to do?”

Ricky rolled the bottle over in his hands, trying to figure out what they were.

“They’re T3s,” Julian said, taking a large mouthful of his drink.

Ricky grunted and took two, downing all his water. God, he was thirsty. He went to get up to refill the cup when Julian jumped up.

“Ricky, Ricky, I’ll get it.”

Ricky stared as Julian grabbed the glass. Then he shrugged. Whatever. If Julian wanted to cater to him, then he wouldn’t complain. He settled back into the couch and clicked the tv on.

***

“Ricky! What the fuck are you doing?”

Julian snatched the half empty glass of rum and coke from Ricky’s hand.

“Wha?” Ricky said, reacting late and turning to look at Julian.

“Fuck! You’re not supposed to mix alcohol with those pills! It really fucks you up.”

“Yeeeah itreally does,” Ricky slurred, slumped back against the pillows.

He was feeling very hazy right now. His brain felt sluggish and uncooperative and the time seemed to pass suspiciously fast. Was he falling asleep for stretching of time?

“Goddamnit!” Julian said quietly to himself, moving the drink to the kitchen.

“S’fine,” Ricky mumbled.

“How’s he doing?” Bubbles asked, entering the trailer quietly.

“I mean, look at-“

“S’not bad, Bubs,” Ricky spoke up, slurring slightly and interrupting Julian.

“Not so bad? Look at yourself! You’ve been spacey all day! Your wound could get infected! I don’t know what I’m doing. I can’t believe I did that!”

“Julian, Jules, calm down. It’s fine,” Ricky slurred. “S’really not s’bad. I’ll be fine in a few days; we still have all th’ hash. No harm no foul right?”

Julian sputtered. “No harm? Ricky, you’re literally hopped up on drugs because I had to remove a bullet from your leg.”

“Yeah, but it’s not like, serious. S’not like I almost died or anything.”

“Not how it felt,” Julian muttered into his drink.

“We can find new buyers for the hash, and then we’ll be set for cash!” Ricky continued.

He lapsed into silence after that and Julian and Bubbles went outside to talk. He sighed. He was fine.

***

“Ricky, I don’t want you coming!” Julian yelled.

“Why not?” Ricky argued back, standing by the passenger door of Julian’s car. He was putting most of his weight on his right foot because, despite his bluster, the gunshot fucking still hurt like a bitch.

“You should be resting your leg more!”

“It’s fucking fine! You’re not fucking leaving without me!”

Julian had found another buyer for the hash and there’s no way that Ricky was missing out on this.

“Goddamnit Ricky, just go back inside!”

“Get in the backseat Bubbles,” Ricky said. “Julian, I’m fucking coming and there’s no way you’re fucking stopping me.”

He opened the door and got in. Julian swore before he threw the driver side door open and got in.

The deal went smoothly, and Ricky couldn’t believe their luck, sitting in Julian’s car all gathered to look at the bag of cash.

“Holy fuck,” Ricky was the first one to speak.

The fraying duffel bag contained stacks and stacks of hundreds, all neatly stacked and bundled.

“Fuck boys! We did it!” Julian crowed. “Now we gotta be smart with this money.”

“Smart?” Ricky asked. “How much we each getting?”

“We’re gonna put most of it in the bank, guys,” Julian said.

“What!” Ricky exclaimed. “Why would we give it to those fuckers!”

“Because Ricky, we have a habit of wasting money that we do have. If we play it smart with this money, we can make it last. Look, we’ll talk about it later. Let’s just get out of here.”

Once they got back to the park, Julian took the duffle bag into his trailer. Goddamned Julian. And it didn’t help that Bubbles was more than happy to let Julian deal with the money.

Despite swearing that his leg was fine, all the moving about had made his leg really sore. Ricky hung back when Julian and Bubbles went into the trailer. Checking his bandaid he swore quietly. His wound had started bleeding again. He covered it up and vowed not to say anything. There was no fucking way he was giving Julian the satisfaction.

He busted into the trailer. “Look Julian, you can’t keep all the money! We all worked for this money!”

“I’m not fucking keeping it all to myself!” Julian said, his voice rising. “I’ll put it in the bank, and we can all have a fair share of it!”

“What’s the point of putting it in the bank? I want the cash now!” Ricky said. “It’s right fucking there!” He pointed at the duffle bag on the table.

“No! I’m not letting you waste it!” Julian growled.

“Fuck! I did most of the work!” Ricky snarled. “You guys couldn’t have grown it without me!”

“Yeah, well, you grew it in my trailer!” Julian shot back.

Ricky stepped forward, intent on taking his share of the money, by force if necessary.

“Ricky, fuck off!” Julian warned. “Let me handle it.”

“Fuck off Julian!”

Ricky reached for the money. Julian got in his way, pushing him away. Growling, Ricky pushed him back. Before they knew it, they were wrestling and punching, Julian’s drink spilling on the floor and his glass damn near shattering. Ricky lost his footing and they both tumbled to the kitchen floor. The air was knocked out of Ricky’s lungs and he gasped for air, Julian landing on him. He weakly punched Julian’s cheek and Julian punched him in the gut.

“Boys! Boys!” Bubbles anxiously called, hovering off to the side, ready to jump in but unsure how to help.

Finally, Ricky could draw a lung-full of air and he struggled against Julian, trying to push him off. Julian shifted and straddled Ricky’s hips, using his weight and strength to muscle Ricky’s arms to the ground above his head.

Ricky’s head spun, partially due to the fact that Julian was sitting on his gunshot and it fucking hurt, and partially due to the fact that Julian was fucking pinning him to the ground, his thighs on either side of Ricky’s hips and his large calloused hands squeezing painfully around Ricky’s wrists. His heart hammered against his ribs and he was glad when Julian’s piercing eyes finally looked at Bubbles.

“Bubs, can you make me a drink please?” he said, sounding tired.

He shifted his hands so that he had both of Ricky’s wrists in one hand. Ricky flexed his arms, trying to wriggle out. Julian’s hand clamped down tighter and he leaned his weight on him, his chest close to Ricky’s face. Fuck that hurt! God, Ricky couldn’t explain the curl of arousal growing in his belly. Julian accepted the drink from Bubbles with his free hand and took a sip before speaking.

“Listen. We’ll each get $500 cash-“

“Only fucking $500-!” Ricky protested.

Julian leaned his weight on Ricky’s arms and Ricky snapped his jaw shut against the pain.

“Yes, only $500. I’m not letting us fuck this one up! The rest of the money will go in a bank account.”

Ricky kind of lost the thread of what Julian was saying after that. It was hard to concentrate with Julian sitting on him. Ricky was desperate to get out from under Julian. He was starting to get an erection, he could tell. From what he understood, the rest of the money would go in a bank account, a certain kind, and it would collect more money for them as time went on. Julian explained how, but Ricky didn’t really understand it. Bubbles was nodding along eagerly, his eyes following Julian.

“Got it?” Julian said at the end, looking at Ricky. Ricky meekly nodded.

“Good,” Julian nodded, releasing Ricky’s wrists. Ricky flexed his fingers, wincing in slight pain. Julian got off Ricky and stood up, extending a hand to Ricky. He accepted it and let Julian pull him up.

“Now, you clean up my spilled drink, since it’s your fault anyways,” Julian commanded Ricky.

Ricky grumbled but grabbed a towel. He carefully adjusted his cock in his boxers when he was sure they weren’t looking. Anyone would get an erection in that situation, he was sure. That’s just what happens when someone sits on you, best friend or not, guy or girl.

***

“Ricky, I swear to god, don’t say a fucking word once we’re in there. Not a fucking word, got it?”

They were sitting in Julian’s car outside the bank. Julian had the duffle bag of cash, having already given out the $500 to each of them.

“Jesus Christ Julian, I get it,” Ricky grumbled.

Satisfied, Julian got out of the car, Ricky and Bubbles following. They got in line inside the bank. Ricky sneered at the well-dressed bank tellers and other patrons, well aware that they didn’t fit in.

When they finally got called up, Julian walked up first, clearly leading.

“We’d like to open up a bank account, please.”

Ricky zoned out after that, looking around the bank, wondering how easy it was to rob. Did they have a giant vault like they showed in the movies? The bank teller was typing away, occasionally glancing at Julian for answers. Ricky noticed how the young man’s eyes drifted to Julian’s broad shoulders and thick biceps. He didn’t like the way the man smiled at Julian.

Ricky clenched his jaw; aware he had promised Julian he wouldn’t talk. Was Julian even noticing this? Julian rumbled something in his low voice and the bank teller laughed, his eyes crinkling as he smiled at Julian. He said something back and Julian gave him a small smile. Ricky’s stomach clenched. He was tempted to pull out his gun and wreak havoc. God, but he said he wouldn’t. It was torture, standing beside Julian silently, watching the teller flirt and hit on Julian. Either Julian didn’t notice, or he didn’t mind, because he didn’t do anything about it.

The bank teller’s eyes widened once Julian put the duffle bag of cash on the counter, but nothing came of it. He pulled it over to his side and started counting.

Ricky was glad once he had finished. He didn’t like being in the bank. He felt like people were staring at him too much. It made him feel antsy, like he wanted to give them something to stare at.

It felt like an eternity before they left. Once they were outside, Julian pulled Ricky and Bubbles into a big hug.

“We did it boys!” His voice was light and happy, a large smile breaking across his face. It was almost enough for Ricky to forgive the bank teller. “We’ve got twenty grand in the bank, generating interest!”

“About time,” Ricky said smiling back. “I was beginning to think the bank teller was going to ask you out.”

“Oh fuck off Ricky,” Julian said, shoving him away as they walked back to Julian’s car.

“Oh c’mon! Like you didn’t see the way he was eyeing you up!”

“Fuck off,” Julian said, his cheeks turning a light shade of pink.

What the fuck? Was Julian into guys?

“Let’s go out and celebrate, boys!” Julian said, shaking off the conversation.

***

He wasn’t sure what Bubbles did with his cash, but he knew that Julian had been late on his trailer payments. That’s what had started the whole thing. He was all caught up now, though.

Ricky had used up all his cash. Well, pretty much all his cash. He had $50 left. He couldn’t have said where it all went; booze, food, Trinity: those were the main suspects. Fuck, maybe Julian had been right. He fucked up with money.

He would never tell Julian. Fuck that.

***

“Look Julian, it’s fine,” Ricky said gesturing at the stitches in his leg, his track pants around his knees. “Now, can we move on?”

Julian had insisted that the stitches be removed when Ricky’s leg healed because they weren’t legit stitches or whatever. Ricky didn’t fucking get it. Apparently, the stitches that are done by doctors dissolve or some shit and since Julian had just used thread he had kicking around, it had to removed from his leg.

Ricky was sitting at a chair around Julian’s kitchen table. Julian had a pair of scissors in his hand.

“Okay, now hold still,” Julian said, crouching beside Ricky. Ricky’s heart thumped a little harder. Julian carefully snipped each stitch that crested Ricky’s thigh. That done, he pulled the first one through the skin.

“Fucking son of a bitch!” Ricky snarled. It was a weird feeling, the thread being pulled through his skin. It hurt a little, but mostly the feeling was deeply uncomfortable.

“That hurt?” Julian stopped, looking up at Ricky. Ricky internally cursed Julian. He shouldn’t be crouching beside him like that, especially with his pants down. If someone came in, they would get ideas.

“Just feels weird,” Ricky said, taking a long drag off his cigarette. He waved his hand to motion Julian to continue.

Once all the stitches were out, Ricky lightly ran his finger over the scarred pink ridge on his leg. It was still tender, but at least it had stopped aching when he walked.

“Well, it’s not very pretty,” Julian said standing up, “But at least it wasn’t worse.”

“Yeah, not bad,” Ricky murmured around his smoke. He didn’t mind having scars, and especially this one, so touched and created by Julian. It made his stomach feel all squiggly.

***

“Why’d you move back to the car?” Julian asked. His voice was strangely tight.

“Huh?” Ricky squinted at him. “I figured you wanted me out. You always hate me staying over.”

“I... I never said that.”

“No, but I know you like your space. And besides, we always argue and it’s your trailer and blah blah.”

“We argue all the time anyways.”

“Yeah, but the more time we spend together, the more time for arguments. You know.” Ricky shrugged.

“You... you didn’t have to, you know,” Julian said softly.

Were they really having this conversation? Did Julian really mean this?

“Do you really mean that?” Ricky asked. Just to make sure the drugs weren’t fucking with his head or anything.

“Yeah. What kind of friend am I if I let you live out of a car?”

“Let me live out of a car?” Ricky repeated astonished. “You gave me a car! How does that make you a bad friend?”

Julian shrugged, taking a large mouthful of his drink and not meeting Ricky’s eyes. “You know, sometimes I feel a little bad.”

“Feel bad?” Ricky parroted again. Man, was he ever feeling dumb this conversation. What the hell was Julian saying? “Wait, I just wanna make sure I understand you. You’re saying I can live on your couch?”

“Yes, Ricky I am.”

Rocky shook his head. “I’ll drive you crazy.”

“You already do,” Julian near whispered.

What the hell did that mean?

“Anyways, think about it. I’ve got to go... do stuff.” Julian’s words nearly ran one into the other as he practically bolted out of the armchair and into the kitchen. Ricky watched him make a drink – a strong one, 90% rum – before he disappeared out the front door, not looking at Ricky once.

What the hell just happened?

***

Later that night, Ricky stood outside Julian’s trailer, a cigarette between his lips. Had that been an invitation earlier? Did Julian invite him to stay in his trailer? Did he want him to? God knows Ricky wanted to.

He hauled on his cigarette until it reached the filter before he ground it into the gravel with his foot. Then he bound up the steps and made up his mind. He stepped into Julian’s trailer, joining Julian on the couch. He was watching some sort of nature documentary on the tv.

“It’s about cuttlefish,” Julian said.

“Cuddlefish?”

“Yeah, they live in the ocean. They’re similar to octopus.”

“Ah.”

Ricky settled in beside Julian, soon getting hooked by the strobing aquatic predators.

Maybe Julian had meant it back when he called it home at the strippers. Was Julian offering to make this Ricky’s home?

***

Ricky pushed open the bathroom door, slamming it into Julian’s elbow.

“God, fucking Rick! I’m in here,” Julian bellowed.

“S’not my fault! You didn’t close the door all the way! Hurry up, Julian, I need to piss!”

“It’s my trailer! Go outside if you can’t wait, you’re not coming in here.”

Julian was leaning over the bathroom counter, close to the mirror, carefully trimming his moustache. He always kept his facial hair very neat, not a hair out of place. This was the first time this Ricky had ever seen him trimming it.

Julian looked good, bent over the counter. Ricky liked the concentrated look in his eyes, how focused it was. It was kind of sexy.

His line of though hit him line a train. Wait a second.

Perhaps it was the domesticity of the whole thing, of living together and seeing each other do mundane things, but it reminded Ricky of being with someone. That was kind of how it looked right? Had he ever considered that before with Julian?

Julian wasn’t unattractive, Ricky thought to himself. He studied the slope of Julian’s back, watching the way his muscles flexed under his tight tee as he carefully angled the beard trimmer. He was built and only about an inch or two taller than Ricky himself. Plus, he’d known Julian all his life; they were best friend. Clearly, they were doing something right.

He thought back to the strange snakes in the belly feeling. Was that what this was? Could he imagine kissing Julian?

He thought about it. Thought about kissing Julian, messing up his neat facial hair, thought about pulling his hair and tipping his head back, pressing his cock against his ass as he’s bent over like that...

“What’re you doing Rick? I can see you’re still standing there.”

Julian’s eyes flicked to his through the mirror. The door was only open about a foot.

“Nothing, Nothing,” Ricky mumbled as he turned away.

Okay, so maybe he was interested in Julian. Maybe he even had feelings for Julian. Maybe he was so fucked.

***

Maybe he wasn’t as fucked as he’d thought.

Ricky had spent a lot of time thinking lately. It was unusual, he knew. Thinking about his feelings, thinking about Julian. All this thinking got him remembering.

It seemed crazy, but what if Julian felt the same way? He knew that he couldn’t let hope cloud his logic, but Julian had been acting strange lately.

Asking why he had moved to sleeping in the car? There had been plenty of times that Ricky slept in the playground or just in the grass outside. Normally Julian didn’t give a shit where he slept, so why did he now?

And what had that intense moment been when they’d been watching that movie with Bubbles? He wasn’t crazy or imagining things. Julian had made a small sound when he accepted the joint with his mouth, he was sure.

And telling him that he always drove Julian crazy? What was that supposed to mean? Like good crazy, or bad crazy?

As far as Ricky was concerned, the only way to fully find out was by doing. He was going to have to make the first move on Julian.

***

They were the last ones around the fire. Ricky’s birthday celebration faded into a surprisingly tame early morning. It was probably around three in the morning, and only Julian and Ricky were standing at the bonfire, watching the flames leap. It had since burnt down from its raging size to a smallish campfire size. The embers were red hot and mesmerizing to watch.

They were in an unkempt local park. It was well-known for its parties. They had been forced to have their fire someplace where no one would care. Ricky was certain that Lahey would not have allowed this in the trailer park. Ricky finished his beer and tossed his bottle at the recycling bag set up. The park had seen so many parties that at one point, someone had set up and left a recycling bag for empties. Keeping the park semi-clean was the only way to keep complaints low and the cops from paying too much attention to it.

He grabbed a new one and studied Julian. He was staring into the fire pensively, his classic rum and coke in his hand. The firelight glinted on his rings. Ricky’s chest tightened. He felt undeniably fond of Julian - he would do anything for him. He looked so beautiful in the flickering yellow light of the fire. How did this emotion feel so new? Had he not been in love with Lucy? Why could he barely contain himself around Julian? How was one person meant to hold so much emotion?

Heart overflowing, Ricky slammed his whole beer, relishing in the warmth that bloomed in his stomach and dropped the bottle and walked up to Julian.

“Julian, man, I love you so much, man,” spilled from his tongue, unbidden. He lurched forward and hugged him.

“Easy, easy Rick, watch the drink.”

Julian patted his back awkwardly with one hand. He felt tense in Ricky’s arms, and he knew Julian hated these displays of affection no matter how few and far between they were.

“God, Julian, I just love you, you know?”

“Yeah, Rick, I know. Gonna spill my drink.” He held his arm out to steady his drink as Ricky stumbled slightly.

The bonfire, the beautiful tapestry of stars above them, the alcohol, it all worked against Ricky, luring him in with the romance of it all. Had he planned this or was this a coincidence? Still close to Julian – Ricky had moved to a sort of side hug, one arm sling around Julian’s shoulders – he could smell Julian’s cologne mixed with the rum that Ricky had come to associate with the man, and a hint of campfire smoke. The alcohol in his system, giving him bravery, emboldened him to turn to Julian, take in the strong nose and jaw line, the delicate eye lashes, the piercing blue of his eyes when Julian turned to look at him. Ricky went for it. Overcome with the urge, he leaned forward and pressed his lips against Julian’s. Julian stilled in his arms. Julian turned his head, breaking the kiss.

“Ricky...” he started, his tone heavy, pushing Ricky away.

“Don’t Ricky me!” Ricky clamped his arm tighter around Julian’s shoulders. Julian was stronger than Ricky, so if he really wanted Ricky away from him, he could easily break his hold. “I may be fucking stupid, but even I can see the signs. You normally don’t care where I sleep! I’ve slept on the playground countless times. That’s what that conversation that day was about, right? At least, sort of.”

Ricky had a one-track mind and for the last few weeks, he had been trying figure out the puzzle that was Julian.

Julian froze. 

“Julian, I’ve known you since we were kids. I knew something was up. Right? We haven’t shared a bed since we were little. You normally would have kicked me out for sure!”

Ricky’s rambling was bouncing around all over the place, as though of course Julian knew what he was talking about, as though of course these moments were bookmarked like they were to Ricky. Julian was silent, staring at Ricky, his brows furrowed. Was he trying to follow Ricky’s ramblings?

Finally, he spoke, “okay, so?” He sounded defensive and he took a step back, putting distance between them.

“What do you mean, ‘so?’” Ricky asked incredulous.

“I mean, so?” Julian repeated, taking a drink.

Growling at Julian being confusing, Ricky stepped forward, tilting his head to kiss Julian again. Julian stopped him with his arm.

“What are you doing?”

“What do you think I’m doing?”

“Why?”

Ricky threw his hands up. Was Julian trying to be frustrating?

“Because we both want to!”

“So then, what are we doing, casually banging?”

Why was there an edge to Julian’s voice? God, Julian was a maze and Ricky was too drunk to find the way.

“Is that what you want?” Ricky asked. He couldn’t make heads or tails of what Julian was getting at. Why couldn’t the man ever speak plainly? Julian didn’t respond. He crossed his arms.

“Come on Julian, please, I know you want to and it’s my birthday. We can talk about it later.”

Ricky pressed forward into Julian’s space, rubbing his hands up Julian’s sides. He pressed his body against Julian’s, kissing him. Julian gave in, kissing him back and wrapping an arm around Ricky. Ricky ran his hands up and down his back loving the feel of Julian’s warm, firm muscles. God, he’d been wanting to do that for so long.

It was so different kissing Julian compared to Lucy or any of the girls he had kissed before. Julian’s facial hair rubbed against his face and his lips weren’t as soft. Julian pressed his tongue into Ricky’s mouth. He tasted like rum.

Ricky pressed against Julian, feeling desperate.

“Fuck, Ricky, my car?” Julian’s voice was deep and husky. Fuck, Ricky had never heard him like this. It sent heat flooding through his veins. Ricky ignored him, biting his shoulder, his hands undoing Julian’s belt and jeans.

“God Ricky, I’m not doing anything right out in the fucking open!”

“There’s no one out here,” Ricky mouthed against Julian’s neck, his hand sneaking into Julian’s pants, squeezing his boxer clad erection.

Julian moaned in Ricky’s ear, sending shivers down his back. Julian downed the last of his drink before he hauled Ricky to his car, opening the back door.

“Impatient,” Ricky all but purred. He pushed Julian forward and he clambered into the back seat. Ricky was on him instantly, straddling his legs and kissing him again. He smoothed his hands down the sides of Julian’s neck to grope at his pecs. Ricky rocked his erection against his abdomen, smothering his groan in Julian’s mouth.

Ricky reached into Julian’s pants and cupped his cock, stroking the head through his boxers. A moan forced its way out of Julian’s throat, and he tipped his head back. Ricky smirked at him, teasing him, touching him lightly. Julian panted and jerked his hips.

“Fuck Ricky!” He growled.

Ricky gave him a shit-eating grin before finally reaching in and pulling out his cock. Julian moaned at the skin to skin contact. Ricky wiped the bead of precome at the tip with his thumb before licking his thumb, tasting him. Julian groaned, his thighs flexing beneath Ricky.

Ricky licked the palm of his hand before wrapping it around Julian’s cock. Julian smothered a moan, his eyes scrunched shut. Julian clutched his empty glass in his left hand, his right hand gripping Ricky’s hip as he bucked into his hand.

Heat coursed through Ricky. Julian was so sexy. He just wished he would stop trying to be quiet. They were the only ones out here at fuck knows what time in the morning. Julian bit his lip when Ricky stopped, opening his eyes and blinking, his breathing ragged. Ricky pulled his own cock free from his track pants, painfully hard. He shuddered, rubbing his thumb over the slit of his cock, smearing the precome that was leaking from the head.

He pressed their cocks together and then Julian was arching underneath him, gasping and Ricky moaned. Fuck. Spitting in his palm he wrapped his hand around both their cocks and started pumping. Julian moaned, his thighs beginning to tremble. They fell into a rhythm, bucking into Ricky’s fist and Ricky was happy to hear Julian’s silence reduced to quiet moans and panting sighs. The car creaked and swayed slightly with their movements. It was entirely too warm in the car and the windows were starting to fog up.

Sweat slid down Julian’s forehead and Ricky leaned forward, licking it up before he kissed Julian sloppily, nipping his lips and sliding his tongue into his mouth. Heat raced through Ricky’s veins, pooling in his stomach. Julian felt tense beneath him and his hand was digging uncomfortably hard into Ricky’s hip.

“God, fffuck, Ricky, fuck,” Julian panted out. “Fuck, Rick, m’close.”

Ricky pushed up Julian’s shirt, having the clarity to think for one second about the aftermath. He pushed it up and over his pecs, leaning down to suck and then bite his left nipple.

“Oh fuck,” Julian moaned, his hips stuttering into Ricky’s palm before hot cum was splattering over Julian’s abdomen, the muscles fluttering, and spilled down their shafts. Julian leaned his head back, his mouth slack with pleasure as Ricky worked him through his orgasm.

Ricky groaned, his own orgasm approaching swiftly. He used Julian’s cum to slick his hand, jerking his own cock with firm strokes, thumb rubbing over the head. Unashamed, he bucked into his fist and came loudly on Julian’s belly, milking his cock and moaning appreciatively at the sight. God, Julian covered in cum, what he wouldn’t’ve given to come on his face.

Julian was watching him with half lidded eyes, his face flushed. Pieces of his dark hair were falling about his face and his lips were slightly swollen and red. Dragging his hand through the mess on Julian’s stomach, he experimentally licked it off a finger. Salty and warm. The texture perhaps was off putting, but Julian’s reaction was worth it. His cock twitched and he swallowed, his eyes tracking Ricky’s tongue. Smiling wolfishly, Ricky sucked his fingers clean, holding the cum on his tongue as he leaned in to kiss Julian. His tongue pressed along the seam of Julian’s lips. Julian resisted for a moment before he parted his lips, letting Ricky push their cum into his mouth. They kissed lazily, tongues sliding and exploring before Ricky pulled away, swallowing what was left in his mouth. Julian swallowed after a moment, bringing his glass up to his mouth before he realized it was empty.

“Fuckin’ greasy,” he rasped, clearing his throat. “There’s napkins in the glove box, could you grab me some?”

Ricky leaned over the front seat, opening the glove box and shoving the handgun in there to the side, grabbing a handful. He gave the majority to Julian to clean up his abdomen, but he kept a few to wipe his hand and cock off. He tossed the used napkins on the floor and tucked his cock back into his pants.

He opened the door and stumbled out, enjoying the cool night air and admiring the steamed windows of the car. He walked past the embers of the fire to where the remaining booze was. He hoisted the box up and brought it back to the car, dumping it in the backseat on the other side of Julian.

He hadn’t moved from where he was sitting, crumpled napkins littered about his feet.

“‘Nother drink Jules?”

Julian lifted his glass and Ricky poured a generous amount of rum in his glass. He didn’t even wait for Ricky to get the coke; he tipped his head back and drained his glass.

“Let’s go back to the park,” Julian said.

“We could stay out here, you know. Sleep in the back of the car, like a camping trip.”

“I don’t want to sleep in a car Ricky,” Julian said, suddenly sounding a million times more tired.

Ricky looked at Julian but couldn’t decipher his expression. Shrugging, he hopped into the passenger seat and cracked another beer.

***

“Alright Julian, what’s up?”

Julian jumped about a foot and whirled around to face Ricky. He had him cornered in the kitchen. The only reason that Julian had even entered his own trailer was because Ricky hid out of sight of the window when he heard Julian’s car pull up. Otherwise, he was certain Julian wouldn’t have come in.

“Nothing. Nothing’s up,” Julian said, going back to pouring coke in his glass.

“Bullshit!” Ricky said. “This is your trailer and I’ve hardly seen hair nor tail of you in here!”

“I’ve been busy, what can I say,” Julian answered nonchalantly.

“You’ve been avoiding me! That’s what you’re busy doing!”

“Whatever Ricky,” Julian said, rolling his eyes. “Now, I’ve got to go...”

He tried to push past Ricky, but Ricky wasn’t having any of it. It devolved into a scuffle in the kitchen and Julian spilling his drink.

“Now what’d you do that for?” Julian roared.

“S’your own damn fault!” Ricky yelled back. “I’m just trying to have a civilian conversation and you’re trying to avoid me!”

“I’m not trying to avoid you!” Julian snapped, bending down to wipe up the spilled drink.

“Then fucking talk to me!”

Julian didn’t say anything, he started making another, stronger, drink.

“What’s going on? Why are you acting like - like this?” Ricky gestured at Julian.

“Like what?”

“You won’t even talk to me! What caused this? If I’m saying we need to talk, then you know somethings fucked up,” Ricky said.

“Does it have to do with my birthday?” Ricky asked when Julian said nothing. Everything had been normal until after that night. Ricky advanced into Julian’s space, his hands grabbing Julian’s hips. Julian stepped out of his grasp and snapped, “I’m not your fucking whore Ricky! You can’t just come to me whenever you’re horny and want to bang. I thought that’s why you have Lucy.”

“Jesus! Fuck, Julian I never said that! God, Lucy n’ I haven’t been together for fucking over a year.”

“My point exactly,” Julian said coldly. “You’re not replacing her with me.”

“So that’s what all this avoiding is about? It’s about that night we jerked off?”

“Fuck Ricky! Look, I don’t want to be fuck buddies! Happy? We talked! Now can I go?” Julian stepped towards Ricky, glaring at him and looking like he wanted to push past him any second.

“Well you seemed to enjoy yourself that night,” Ricky muttered. Julian looked murderous. “Look Julian, I don’t want to be fuck buddies either.”

“Good. Great. We’re on the same page, now can I leave?” Julian tried to push past Ricky again.

“No! I feel like we’ve hardly said anything!” Ricky cried. Why was this so difficult! He felt like they were hardly scratching the surface. “Why are you so mad?”

“God! What does that have to do with anything?” Julian asked spinning away from Ricky in frustration and slamming a hand against the sink.

Ricky snatched the rum bottle off the counter and took a massive gulp straight from the bottle.

“What if I wasn’t offering to be fuck buddies that night?” Ricky asked, finding it much easier to talk to Julian’s back.

Julian stilled. “What were you offering?”

“To be with you and shit? Together?”

“Together?” Julian repeated, still not facing Ricky.

“Yeah, you know, like together-together.”

“Like a relationship?”

“Yeah! Exactly like that!”

Julian turned around slowly. “What if it doesn’t work? What if we fuck up our friendship? God knows we’re always fighting and annoying the shit out of each other.”

“We’ve already taken the first step,” Ricky said. “Our friendship can’t get anymore fucked up than it is right now with you ignoring me.” Ricky stepped back into Julian’s space, his hands trailing along Julian’s hips.

“Do you regret that night?” Ricky asked in a low voice.

“God, Ricky,” Julian tipped his head forward so that it rested against Ricky’s shoulder. “No. You fucking know I want you. I thought you had that figured out last time.”

Ricky lifted Julian’s head and kissed his mouth hungrily. Julian pressed back just as fiercely, his tongue sliding into Ricky’s mouth. He heard the vague clink as Julian set his glass on the counter and then strong hands were running down his back, pulling him flush against Julian. There wasn’t an inch between them. Ricky had one hand curled around Julian’s hip and the other running up and down the muscles of his back. Then one of Julian’s hands tangled in Ricky’s hair. A sharp tug broke their kiss and forced Ricky’s head back. He gasped, his hips jerking forward to grind against Julian. Julian leaned forward and began kissing and sucking on his neck, stopping to scrape his teeth across his throat.

“Ffffuuuuck,” Ricky groaned, rocking his erection against Julian. If he thought Julian was intense last time, that was like a mirage compared to this time. Clearly Julian had been holding back last time.

Ricky kissed Julian again, tasting the rum on his tongue. His fingers buried themselves in Julian’s dark hair as Julian’s hands pet down his back and grabbed his ass.

“Bedroom,” Julian panted out.

Ricky began stumbling backwards, refusing to let go of Julian to walk properly, kissing his neck and nipping his throat. Once they were through the door, Julian shoved Ricky onto the bed, watching him bounce slightly on the mattress. Julian peeled off his tight black tee while Ricky kicked off his shoes and moved further up the bed.

Julian crawled up the bed, hovering over Ricky. God, he looked so sexy. Ricky’s heart was hammering in his chest and he ran his hands over Julian’s pecs, squeezing the muscles and pinching his nipples. Julian gasped slightly, laying on top of Ricky and kissing him again. Their tongues lazily explored each other mouths as Julian rocked against Ricky, grinding their cocks together.

Ricky moaned, hard and beyond belief that this was really happening again. He fumbled at the buttons of his shirt between them. Julian got off him slightly so he could finish and slide the material over his shoulders. Then he was sweeping his large hands over his chest, petting his sides. He made his way down Ricky’s chest biting and kissing until his hands made contact with the waistband of Ricky’s pants. Julian kneeled between his legs looking at his obscene tent. He grinned before Ricky lifted his hips and Julian slid his track pants and boxers off and tossed them on the floor.

“Fuck,” Julian hissed softly, looking at Ricky’s hard red cock leaking against his stomach. He leaned down and lapped at the tip, tasting the salty precome on his tongue. Ricky moaned and fisted the sheets. Shit, Julian’s mouth was hot.

Julian began bobbing up and down his cock, slowly taking more and more down his throat. Waves of heat and arousal washed over Ricky and he fought not to buck his hips into Julian’s mouth.

He could barely think straight, watching his cock go in and out of Julian’s mouth, his lips wrapped tightly around him. And then Julian’s eyes flicked up to meet him and Ricky moaned. Julian’s eyes were dark and heated, and he decided right then that he wanted Julian to fuck him.

“God, Jules, you wanna fuck me?” He rasped out. Julian moaned around his cock and pulled off wetly.

“Fuck yes,” he breathed.

He backed out from between Ricky’s legs, stripping his jeans and boxers off before getting some lube from the nightstand drawer. Ricky stared at him hungry, taking in his muscular frame and thick cock bobbing between his legs. God, Julian was so beautiful. He settled back on the bed, slicking up two fingers. He sucked on the head of Ricky’s cock, swirling his tongue around it as his fingers rubbed at his twitching entrance. Carefully, he slid a finger in as he took all of Ricky’s cock back into his mouth.

Ricky panted, the feeling of a finger in his ass strange. It didn’t hurt, it just felt different. It was hard to concentrate on that though, when Julian was bobbing up and down on his cock like a pro, his tongue pressed flat to the underside.

Soon Julian pressed a second finger inside him, and he felt the stretch of that. He crooked his fingers and started finger fucking him steadily, rubbing his inner walls. And then his fingers pressed against something inside of him that had him arching off the bed and moaning loudly.

“Fuck! God fucking-” Ricky gasped out, feeling tingly.

Julian grinned wolfishly at him, before he rubbed his fingers against it again and again. Ricky moaned and spread his legs further, his thighs trembling slightly, unable to concentrate on anything but the pleasure washing over him. Julian started his rhythm again, adding a third finger.

“Fuck,” Ricky groaned. Julian lapped at Ricky’s cock, rubbing against his prostate with every thrust of his fingers. Ricky felt like he was losing his mind.

“Holy ffffuck Julian, fuck fuck m’gonna cum soon,” Ricky moaned.

Julian pulled off his cock and Ricky whined.

“Don’t. I want you to cum while I’m fucking you,” Julian growled.

Ricky groaned and tossed his head, his cock twitching. Julian talking dirty to him certainly wasn’t helping.

Julian grabbed a condom and rolled it on his leaking cock. He lubed himself up, pumping his cock more times than necessary before he moved between Ricky’s legs. He lined himself up, the blunt head of his cock pressing against his entrance. With his arms supporting him on either side of Ricky’s head he slowly pushed in. Ricky groaned, Julian slowly sliding in and stretching him open. He paused once his hips were flush with his ass, to give them both a moment. God, this was such a new feeling. He felt stuffed, like Julian might be up in his stomach. Julian leaned down and kissed Ricky, slowly, lazily. The warm metal of his chain brushed against Ricky’s collar bones. Ricky wrapped his legs around Julian’s hips, his hands pressed flat against his shoulders.

“Fuck Jules,” Ricky moaned, sounding utterly wrecked.

“You good?” Julian asked, tense from holding still so long.

“Fuck yeah,” Ricky breathed and then Julian was moving. Slowly and shallowly at first but gradually picking up speed. Ricky could hardly focus on anything but the feeling of Julian’s cock inside him. He dug his heels into the small of Julian’s back, his hands scrabbling on his back.

“Oh fuck,” he moaned brokenly when Julian hit that spot inside him.

He couldn’t have cared less about being quiet or trying to stifle his moans. If the whole trailer park could hear them, he would’ve said fuck ‘em. All he could hear was the slapping of skin on skin, the creaking of the bed, and Julian’s moans in his ear.

Julian continued hitting his prostate and Ricky knew he wasn’t going to last much longer. Heat was coiling deep in his stomach and he felt taut, his whole body tense with pleasure. Desperately, he jammed his hand between them, stroking his leaking cock, rapidly racing towards his orgasm.

“Fuck, Jules, god, m’gunna cum,” Ricky choked out. He pumped his cock twice more before he came, arching off the bed, hot cum spilling over his fist, a litany of moans and profanity spilling from his lips. Julian groaned as Ricky clenched down around him, his rhythm faltering. His hips snapped forward desperately a few times before Julian was groaning loudly, his body stilling as he came, curved over Ricky.

Ricky drank in the sight breathlessly: Julian’s eyes scrunched shut in pleasure, his lips parted, his cheeks flushed. God, he could do this forever.

Julian slumped bonelessly against him, his body sticky with sweat, and heavy. Ricky could feel the fast thumping of Julian’s heartbeat almost matching the racing of his own. Ricky gently kissed his cheek, causing him to turn his head and kiss Ricky on the mouth. It was a slow, soft kiss, Ricky bringing his hand to Julian’s face, gently rubbing his thumb over his cheekbone.

“God Jules, we could have been doing that month ago.”

Julian hummed against him, kissing him deeply again. As Julian shifted, Ricky could feel the movement where Julian was still inside him. He shuddered. He closed his eyes, unhitching his legs from around Julian’s hips, letting them slide to the bed. He felt pretty boneless himself. Julian slowly pushed himself up and carefully slid his softening cock out of Ricky.

Julian pulled the condom off, tying it shut and standing up to put it in the garbage. Ricky felt thoroughly fucked and strangely empty. Was that normal? Curious fingers wandered down to his ass, and he pressed them gingerly against his entrance. It felt a little tender and his entrance gaped a little. He easily pressed a finger past the ring of muscle, his eyebrows shooting up.

“Jesus Ricky, you looking to go again, so soon?” Julian asked walking back in with a damp cloth in his hand.

“Just trying to see what’s going on,” Ricky said.

“There’s a mirror in the goddamned bathroom,” Julian teased, wiping his cock with the cloth. When Ricky made as if to get up, Julian stopped him. “Jesus, I was kidding Ricky. We can get a mirror in here if you’d like, you kinky bastard.”

Ricky grinned at him. Julian wiped up the lube smeared between Ricky’s thighs and cleaned the cum off his stomach. He walked back into the kitchen and Ricky could hear the clinking of glass and ice cubes. He came back with two glasses, one of which he handed to Ricky.

The bed dipped with Julian’s weight and Ricky propped himself up on one elbow to gulp at his drink. He felt so thirsty. Glass empty, he handed it back to Julian to set on the nightstand. Julian looked at him with raised eyebrows. Ricky shrugged.

He settled down against Julian’s side, pressing close against his warmth. Lazily, he traced shapes with his fingers along the tanned skin of Julian’s side and chest watching goosebumps quickly form and recede.

“How long did you want this?” Julian asked quietly, finishing his own drink and setting the glass down. He laid down beside Ricky, on his side, facing him, still allowing his hand to wander over his chest.

“It’s been a while, at least half a year probably,” Ricky said. “Took me a while to figure it out. Fucking feelings.”

Julian chuckled softly, pulling Ricky against him. Ricky tucked his head under Julian’s chin, breathing in his scent, of home, mixed with sweat.

Julian rolled away briefly to turn off the lamp on the nightstand and to pull the blankets over them, but then he pressed tight against Ricky, throwing an arm over his side. Fucking felt like he belonged here.

***

Their relationship wasn’t exactly a secret, but they weren’t telling anyone either. Nothing really changed outwardly: they were still the same Ricky and Julian. Maybe with a few more looks exchanged. Ricky never knew Julian looked at him so much. Now that he was looking back, he finally noticed.

They hadn’t really talked about their relationship or anything. Frankly, Ricky hardly ever talked about the status of relationships, except when fighting - that’s the only time him and Lucy seemed to talk things through.

Julian was different.

One night, when Ricky was trimming the pot plants growing in the trailer, Julian walked up and asked outright, “We’re together, right Rick?”

“What the hell are you saying?” Ricky asked, confused as to what he was asking and where this was coming from.

“Like, we’re together?” Julian asked again, resolutely staring at the plants.

“God, of course we are,” Ricky said. Why did Julian always have to talk in riddles? “What’re you asking for?”

Julian tapped his glass, licking his lips before he responded.

“We just never talked about it, is all.”

“We’re as together as together can get!” Ricky said. “Is this about telling no one? Did you want to? Show more PDA or something?”

The thought of holding Julian’s hand in public was laughable. Julian hated showing any form of affectionate emotion. Hell, he probably didn’t really care what people thought, but it just seemed so out of character for him.

“We don’t have to... do anything in public,” Julian said. “I just wanted to make sure we’re on the same page, you know?”

“God everyone already knows we love each other. They’ve known I’ve loved you since we were kids Jules. What’s so different about it now?”

“Well,” Julian took a sip of his drink nervously, “it’s different now, you know? Different kinds of love. We’re exclusive, right?” He let out a shaky breath.

“If you think I’m sharing...!” Ricky started.

“No, no, no, I just wanted to make sure. It’s good to know that you wouldn’t want to share, too.”

“Jules, what’s this about?” Ricky asked, turning away from the plants and moving to stand in front of Julian. “Listen, if you’ve gotta hear me say it, I love you Julian. I want to be committed together with you. It doesn’t matter to me if we decide to tell people or not, if we wanna kiss and fuck in front of other people or-“

“Jesus fucking Christ Rick,” Julian mumbled, hiding a smile in his glass.

“I’m just saying!”

***

Ricky lounged on the bed, relaxed and sated. He was naked and his heart rate was just starting to even out. Julian was lying beside him, his fingers tracing random designs on Ricky’s arm. It felt really nice.

Ricky let his eyes wander over Julian’s face and body, taking in the wide expanse of tanned skin, the flashes of gold from his earring and rings, the softened brow. God, he really loved this man.

The evening was still early, only eight o clock or so - unusual for them to be in bed already, but Julian had been impatient and had riled Ricky up all day when they had been trying to work. Julian’s half empty glass sat on the nightstand alongside a joint that Ricky had meant to smoke earlier but had forgotten about when Julian pressed him to the wall of the trailer, and then the bed.

“Hey,” Ricky said an idea slowly trickling into his mind. He stared at Julian’s grey sheets, rubbing his thumb over a wrinkle, unable to keep his fingers still. “Do you maybe wanna try reading that one story? You know, the one with greasers?”

He chanced a quick look at Julian, his face warm with embarrassment. Julian looked at him in surprise, his fingers stilling for a moment before they continued trailing up his arm.

“I didn’t think you would remember that night,” Julian said gruffly.

“Yeah well, the story sounded good.” Ricky coughed slightly. “You don’t have to if you don’t want to. I, uh, know that books and I don’t really mix,” he said quickly, his words running into each other. Shit, was this too out there?

But then, Julian smiled at him, straight white teeth framed by those gorgeous dimples and Ricky felt like he did something right.

“I wouldn’t mind at all, Rick.”

Julian leaned in and kissed Ricky slowly, deeply, his hand gently tracing along his cheek and jaw. When he pulled back, Ricky beamed at Julian.

Julian rolled off the bed to grab the book from the tv stand. Once he came back, he shut the bedroom door and settled with his back against the wall, sliding his pillow behind his back to cushion it and pulling the covers over his legs. Ricky laid down next to him, resting his head on his thigh, his arm thrown over Julian’s lap. He idly traced circles with his thumb while Julian cracked the book open, flipping to the start. Julian cleared his throat.

“I’m sorry if I’m no good at reading aloud; I don’t usually do this,” he murmured.

“Well, anything you do will be a hell of a lot better than I could do.”

And then Julian started, “When I stepped out into the bright sunlight from the darkness of the movie house, I had two things on my mind: Paul Newman and a ride home...”

Ricky let Julian’s deep voice wash over him, making the words come alive like Ricky had never experienced before. He closed his eyes, letting the scene play behind his lids as he pressed closer to Julian’s warmth.

***

They didn’t read The Outsiders every night, but it was enough of a regular thing that Julian kept the book on the nightstand, the page dog-eared to mark where they were.

It was something surprisingly tender that wormed into Ricky’s heart. He never imagined he could like a book so much. Their bedroom became a haven. Whenever the bedroom door closed, it was like they were allowed to just be. Ricky got to see that soft side of Julian that he was forever hiding, the same one he glimpsed way too drunk many moons ago.

In the bedroom, it didn’t matter that Ricky only had his grade ten. Julian never treated him like he was stupid. It didn’t matter that they were Ricky and Julian, best friends since they were children, small time criminals, sharing a trailer. Expectations and demands seem to fall off them when the door shut. They were allowed to just be Julian and Ricky, Rick and Jules.

“Wait, wait,” Ricky interrupted Julian’s reading. “Can you re-read that rhymey part again?”

Julian was laying on his side, propped up on his elbow, the covers pushed down to his waist, the book resting on the bed between them.

One of the things that Ricky loved about Julian reading, is that he had plenty of time to study the older man. He had known Julian almost all his life, so he knew what the man looked like, but it was another to drink the details in. To study the curve of his shoulders and the swell of his biceps - hard won muscles. To study the glinting of his gold chain - one he never removed and was one of his most prized possessions, the other being his onyx ring. To study his neat facial hair that he up kept almost daily. To study the sweep of his dark eyelashes, and the wrinkles forming between his brow from squinting and frowning too much. To notice the minute shifts of colour in his blue eyes, darker on the outside with dashes of light blue closer to the center.

Had he ever really seen Julian?

Without question, Julian went back a few sentences and re-read the poem:

“Nature’s first green is gold,  
Her hardest hue to hold.  
Her early leaf’s a flower;  
But only so an hour.  
Then leaf subsides to leaf.  
So Eden sank to grief,  
So dawn goes down to day.  
Nothing gold can stay.”

Julian stopped, expecting Ricky to say something. Ricky couldn’t explain the feeling that filled him. He wasn’t good with words. 

“Fuck, man,” were his eloquent words. Thankfully, Julian seemed to understand, because he smiled at Ricky and said, “I know.”

***

Ricky always used to hate the term making love. He wasn’t sure why. Maybe it was because it sounded very pansy-like. Maybe it was because the term fucking was sexier, less personal. Maybe it was because making love implied too many emotions.

After they finished the book, The Outsiders, they’d laid in silence for what felt like forever. Ricky felt more raw and bare than he’d ever felt before. Who knew books could make you feel like that?

Finally, Ricky looked up and made eye contact with Julian. His eyes were soft, searching his own.

He licked his lips, his mouth feeling like a desert, and all he could come up with was, “wow.” It was probably the only book he’d ever made it through.

“I know,” Julian had murmured softly, understanding perfectly.

It hit Ricky all at once. This grown man had read him a story, not once being judgmental or making fun of him when he interrupted to ask what a word meant. He had taken the time, all just to share this feeling, this experience with him. His heart felt full.

Perhaps Julian felt the same way, because they met in the middle, kissing languidly, without desperation. It was soft, tender. Ricky had never had someone be so gentle with him. Julian touched him thoroughly, like they had all the time in the world, like Ricky would shatter like glass if he moved too quickly.

A slow burning heat started filling Ricky as Julian started prepping him, easing a finger into him easily. They remained close, kissing lazily. There was no dirty talk, only the small moans that Ricky made that Julian swallowed. It was so sweet; Ricky had never expected to like it, to have it feel so good.

And then Julian was hitching his leg up and sliding inside him. He had never felt closer to Julian, wrapping his arms around his shoulders and burying his face in the crook of Julian’s neck. They moved together, pressed tight, skin slick. It was a slow pace, a relentless pace. Julian kissed him again, more of a tangle of tongues and the sharing of breath than a proper kiss.

The waves of pleasure lapped at Ricky with each smooth thrust and Julian was looking at him, his blue eyes soft. He had never felt so open, so vulnerable, so known. He finally understood what it was like to make love.

“Jules, I love you so much,” he breathed out, astonishment and certainty colouring his voice.

“God, Rick, I love you too.”

Heat was building, coiling in the pit of Ricky’s stomach. It was reassuring, the weight of Julian, on top of him, blanketing him. When Julian pressed against that spot inside of him it was insistent, like stoking the flames of a fire. Ricky held on to Julian tightly, trying to stay grounded. He could feel a desperate edge to Julian’s thrusts now, they were becoming quicker, less smooth.

Julian reached between them and started stroking Ricky’s leaking cock in tandem with his thrusts. Ricky could’ve sobbed from pleasure. His orgasm had been building for so long that it threatened to overwhelm him, a forest fire burning within. And then Ricky was tensing, his body arching and his muscles flexing as he came, moaning Julian’s name. Warmth spread across his abdomen and Julian was coming at the same time, a broken moan forcing its way up his throat, his hips grinding and slowing, milking his orgasm.

Julian relaxed against him, his body heavy and pliable above him. Ricky flexed his feet, his toes cramping from curling so hard. Their heart rates slowed in tandem, and Ricky was in no rush to go anywhere. Julian tried to push off him, but Ricky tightened his legs around his hips, so he stopped moving.

Finally, Ricky let Julian pull out, drawing a shudder from both of them, oversensitive. Ricky had no desire to move, not even caring about his lube-slick thighs or the cum rapidly cooling on his stomach.

Julian left and came back, a cloth in hand to clean Ricky up. Ricky watched Julian, heavy lidded, as he gently wiped him clean. He still hadn’t moved when Julian came back, closing the door and turning off the lights.

Julian got into bed and it was only a few moments before his strong hands were man-handling Ricky into a comfortable position on his side, Julian’s chest pressed firmly against his back and an arm wrapped around his waist. Julian pressed feather light kisses to the back of Ricky’s neck.

“I love you,” he whispered. When had he gotten so mushy?

“I love you too, buddy.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! I guess I just wanted to write some soft boys. It seems like things never go right for them and I wanted to remedy that.


End file.
